They told me I couldn't.
Thats why I Did.

lost yet found.

The people who say ‘one person won’t make a difference’ are usually the ones who have gotten comfortable with the way things are and don’t want things to change so they try to convince others or themselves that one person cannot make a difference. 
But that’s a lie because all it takes is one person to make a difference.

I am lonely, yet not everybody will do. I don’t know why, some people fill the gaps but other people emphasize my loneliness.

Dear John.

Why She Stayed.

She was once happy where she was. There were infinite possibilities—the love they shared was deep and powerful—she was desperate to rekindle that.

In the beginning, it felt wonderful and joyous as they were exploring new things together and she was learning so much about herself.

She remembered the fun they used to have and how fulfilled she was. He was everything she thought she wanted.

Her friends and family used to comment on how happy she was, as if they were envious of the joy she radiated. They wanted it too, or so she thought.

When things started to change, and the feelings began to dissipate, she wondered where she went wrong. She was hopeful that it would come back that strong again.

She was upset with herself, that she was somehow to blame.

She felt that staying showed her commitment and she was worried that she may leave too soon and live to regret it.

She waited for things to get better. She stayed optimistic that things would change.

She questioned many times if she should leave. That was the first sign that she should.

So instead, she looked for signs that she should stay. And sometimes when she looked hard enough, she found them.
She knew, in some ways that she was settling, but still she questioned if there would be anything better.

Besides, it wasn’t terrible and there was still some good left. Others certainly had it worse, she would justify.

She felt some safety in knowing what to expect, as if being comfortable brought happiness. It didn’t.
She had many ways to rationalize why she should stay.

She was scared about what she was giving up, and worried about what she may lose if she left.
But she didn’t consider what it was costing her to stay.

She started to uncover the courage and strength that she knew she always had. She weighed the risks.

Now, she was tired. She was defeated. She was resentful. She had given up her own power and happiness and she knew it was too far-gone.

She spoke to friends and she built up a tribe around her. They supported her. They always did.

She remembered how much potential she had and how the choice to stay was hurting her.

She let go of the guilt and blame that she had done something wrong. She hadn’t.

She finally had enough. She realized that it was no longer serving her. It was making her sad, hurt and frustrated.

She had given until there was nothing left to give. She wanted to smile and laugh again, like she did when it first began.

She knew it was inevitable that she would leave, but she didn’t know when. She didn’t know how. She knew she was stalling.

But she wondered what she was waiting for.

But finally, she left. The sadness became too much, the stress too overwhelming and the hurt enclosed her.

It was time to move on and she had found the strength. She realized that the only one holding her back was herself.

She was terrified of the aftermath. How would she cope? Who would she be without this part of her life that she had held onto for so long?

She picked herself up, she found the courage and she believed in herself. She knew she was strong, she knew she would survive.

She thought back to who she was before she weakened and how amazing and accomplished she was. How she lived her life without fear—she felt joy and passion. She found inspiration in that.

When it was all said and done, it was like a breath of fresh air. And she smiled again. Just like she knew she would.

She survived and she proved her strength. Not to anyone else, but to herself. She became aware of how much she had sacrificed and how unhappy she had been.

Life started to unfold around her and happiness began to pursue her. She didn’t need to reach for it with outstretched arms like she thought.

Happiness found her.

She still holds onto the happy memories, but she decided she deserved to be unconditionally happy. She decided that her life was worth pure bliss and that she didn’t need to rationalize her choices any longer.

For all of the amazing women of the world, may you find the strength and the courage to live the life of joy you are worthy of and finally take that breath of fresh air.

The soul resides in places we often fail to notice
Deep within that shallowness

Hollow decadent 

Sinking gratification

All but another pretense of the naked self

Lashy Brown Eye
Tipped Nose 
Chapped Lips

Clean rustic scent
Blonde waxed hair
Sleepy warm voice
Inked skinned
The
Perfect imperfections 

& I'm 8ft further.

You.

Some flames were meant to burn out fast

But it didnt matter

What matter is we 

In the moment.

When tomorrow comes 

I'll be all alone

Being frightened up 

The things that I dont know

When tomorrow comes

When tomorrow comes

Forever x

You said
She believed
You lied
She cried.

intense deprivation...

on replay

Laughters
Tears
Silly faces
Messy hair
Incessant noises
Whines, squrim, chirp, squel
Flashbacks vividness 

How greatly missed

x

Emotions are heartfelt
Unexplainable
Yet you can hear the cries
So Loud yet precise
No words can ever replace
That.

Gratitude

Days nights

Hours minutes

Receding past

Effortless struggles

Withdrawals

Rained poured
Heart staled 
Selfless mind
Chasing airs
The life I had
Vaporates 
Thousands to one 
Speech
We
You 
Her &
I.

They asked you to apologize 
for who you are, 
so I told you: 
who you are is how you survive, 
and how you survive is how you live. 
and we don’t apologize for survival. 

Don’t apologize for that day 
you couldn’t get out of bed. 
too exhausted to even function, 
they told you to stop being lazy 
and get your life together 
so I told you 
there’s a type of exhaustion 
that no amount of sleep can ever fix 
exhaustion that comes from 
thoughts that suffocate 
and problems you can’t even control, 
so you curled up and stayed in bed
because this is how you’ll survive the day 
and we don’t apologize for survival.

Don’t apologize when you stopped caring 
for that person who was too blind too see it 
who took all that you gave 
and never did the same, 
they told you to stop being 
so heartless 
so I told you, 
the heartless person once cared too much 
and when you care 
you give everything you have 
and there’s only so much you can give, 
until you don’t have anything left
to give to the ones that deserve it better.
So you stopped caring and 
they called you heartless, 
but this is the kind of heartless you become to survive
and we don’t apologize for survival. 

Don’t apologize for the time 
you shut off your phone 
too tired to reply 
to problems that never end 
and to people that betray you
the second you blink
they told you what happened 
to friendships you chose to have 
and promises to always be there
so I told you 
there are people who only 
acknowledge your existence when
you’re needed, 
and people who suffocate you 
with negativity that just grows , 
so you shut off your phone and 
decided to breathe because this is how you’ll survive
and we don’t apologize for survival. 
Don’t apologize for the moment 
you shut down because you’re too sad 
the sad that fills every empty part of you 
and drowns you before you get the chance to swim, 
they told you to get up and get over it 
for there are bigger problems and 
bigger tragedies, 
and some things things just don’t deserve 
that kind of sadness.
So I told you, 
one problem can never be compared to another
you’re allowed to be just as sad 
as you want to be 
for there’s a kind of sad that can never 
be explained in words 
and that’s just okay. 
So you shut down and 
let out the sadness in you to survive 
and we don’t apologize for survival.

Don’t apologize for not being able to work 
just as much as someone else, 
and you hate yourself for not
achieving just as much,
thinking you haven’t given your all
when you have. 
They told you to stop being so weak 
and try harder 
so I told you, 
your best will always be different 
from their best 
and your abilities will never be 
their abilities. 
and when your all isn’t enough for something 
then it probably isn’t meant for you.
So you work at your own pace and 
stop pushing yourself beyond capacity to survive 
and we don’t apologize for survival. 

Don’t apologize for times you decide
to turn everything around and change plans 
or for actions you take that lead you down
all the different roads, 
they told you to start being responsible 
and having set goals and plans
for that is how success is achieved
so I told you, 
we live to see where life will take us 
and we live not to follow 
but to create
and endlessly re create over and over.
So when things don’t go 
according to plan 
or when you start over with something else
that is not called failure 
but success at its own definitions 
and its own pace 
so you plan and build your own success
to live and survive, 
and we don’t apologize for survival.

But you look back 
and replay everything they say 
over and over anyway,
and you think there’s no way 
the mess of who you are 
has the ability to survive like this 
but you don’t even realize 
that is what you’ve been doing 
the entire time, 
you’ve been surviving 
and we don’t apologize for survival

You tried to change didn’t you?
 closed your mouth more
 tried to be softer
 prettier
 less volatile, less awake 
but even when sleeping you could feel 
him travelling away from you in his dreams 
so what did you want to do love
 split his head open? 
you can’t make homes out of human beings 
someone should have already told you that 
and if he wants to leave
 then let him leave 
you are terrifying 
and strange and beautiful
 something not everyone knows how to love.